As a repatriate, some of the points in this article hit home, especially since my return was (mostly) involuntary. Take a look at the article below and feel free to comment. Hopefully, other repatriates will comment too.
Repatriation Blues: Expats Struggle With The Dark Side Of Coming Home
This is a New York Times opinion piece making the case for more Black Americans to consider expatriation. As someone who has been there and done that, this wasn’t a surprising read to me and is mostly relatable.
No country is a utopia, let’s get that straight. But it’s easy for me, a former expatriate, to understand the reasoning behind this opinion piece. America is in a tie, in my opinion, with Australia for being the most racist/prejudiced country on the planet. Any deeper-thinking and feeling person (who happens to be Black American) would want to leave a country in which we were enslaved in the past and still fighting for equality in the present.
Enough of my jet-lagged rambling. Take a look at this, and feel free to comment.
New York Times opinion piece – The Next Great Migration http://www.nytimes.com/2015/03/01/opinion/sunday/the-next-great-migration.html?smid=pl-share&_r=1
Exactly 1 year ago today, I left the United Kingdom after living there for over 3 years. It’s hard to even type that.
One of my dreams as a kid was to live abroad, whether for a long time or for good. That dream came true when I was given the opportunity to work in the United Kingdom. That dream came to an end, and not in the way in which I wanted. I even planned to return, but to no avail.
Were it up to me, I’d still be there. I wanted to get extra professional experience, dual citizenship, extra chances to travel, and a new life. I wanted things to end on my terms; I wanted to leave when I was ready. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. I lost almost everything; my dream went down the drain. I came back to the United States with only a few suitcases holding a bit of clothing, a few books, and a few treasured items. Meanwhile, those that fucked up my dream continue on as if nothing happened.
I was ashamed because even though it wasn’t my fault, I came home with nothing to show for my time there (or that’s how it seems). I came home to couchsurfing, no job in sight, and very little support – family included. I lost a lot (and gained nothing but pounds). Family turned on me. Friends – scarce. And retelling my story over again – not an option. I have to live it and that’s painful enough, so why the hell would I want to repeat it?
1 year ago today marked the end of an era, the end of my dream as I had it planned and hoped it’d turn out. It’s still a bit painful, still bittersweet. I miss traveling. I miss my Meetup groups and the experiences that came along with them. I missed living abroad. I experience nostalgia sometimes, and I miss the few dear friends I made, so much. I miss what could’ve and should’ve been.
But maybe… just maybe… the end was the beginning of a new part of my life journey. Only time will tell. And as far as that country, I’m not yet done with it. I still have unfinished business there to handle, and most importantly, I still have a few dear friends there.
I needed to get this out. Thanks for reading/listening. And please stay tuned; I still have a long road ahead.
I’m feeling: exhausted. Drained. Tired. Sleepy.
I’m listening to: mostly silence.
I’m thinking about/wondering why: traveling. Going on a real vacation. Sleeping. Anything other than paperwork. This month being over.
I’m reading: not much now, but already looking at Kindle prices & models to decide which one to get. That’ll hopefully happen by the end of the month.
I’m looking forward to: reading again once I get my Kindle. Having this Friday & Monday off. August being over.
I’m learning to/practicing to/working on/embracing: properly delivering bad news from a SW perspective. Paperwork for credentials. Myself, always.
I’m enjoying: The First 48.
I’m creating: …
I’m grateful for: second chances at life. The lives of those who are no longer with us. Employment. Observation. Discernment. Social support.
Around the house are: uniquely flavored Oreo cookies to mail to a friend of mine in the U.S. Virgin Islands.
In the kitchen: tilapia & rice noodles. The tilapia recipe is from SparkPeople.
I’m planning this week to: take time for & to myself. Distract myself over the long holiday weekend. Continue exercising (even though it doesn’t seem like anything is changing). Possibly meet up with an old friend who I haven’t seen since my time overseas.
I don’t have any quotes this week. I’m not inspired enough because this hasn’t been a good month. Since 07.30.2014, I’ve had a family member die, another family member have 2 major medical emergencies, another family member attempt suicide, and a client death last week (likely by suicide). Add to that Robin Williams’ suicide, Eric Garner (my hometown, by the way), Michael Brown and the disgusting yet unsurprising racism & racists (which I refuse to read; why give myself a stroke?), and countless other issues going on worldwide, and you can stick a fork in me because I’m done.
So instead, I’m dedicating this to the memory of my family member instead. Rest in peace, Aunt Jean 1926 – 2014.
Here’s to hoping that September – hell, the rest of the year – is better than this. Take it easy & take care.
Exactly 1 year ago today, I received a letter in the mail that’d change my life for a long time, if not for good.
It was a Thursday evening, and I came home from a long day at work, with my team on duty for 3 days straight. I was glad to be home. It’d been my home for a little over 3 years, and I thought I’d be there for a long time to come.
There was mail in front of my door. I picked it up and saw that one piece was from the Home Office. I thought to myself
Oh, good. The Home Office will renew my visa. I’ll get to stay here a bit longer, save money, travel a bit, and even look into dual citizenship.
I put away my belongings, settled in to read my mail and maybe watch a little television – likely something I DVRed, no doubt. I opened the Home Office mail and read it. Then my heart sank deep into my stomach. The Home Office denied my visa application. I was a overstayer.
I re-read the letter a few times to make sure that it wasn’t a joke. But nothing in the letter changed. I was an accidental overstayer. I was speechless for a bit, and even fought back tears. (I can’t remember who won – me or the tears.) I called my aunt and let her know, and I told her I’d keep her posted.
Little did I know that this was the beginning of the end – the end of my expatriate life, the end of my independence, and the end of my life as I lived it for ___ years. And to this day, I’m still feeling the effects – they aren’t as strong as 1 year ago or even a few months ago, but they’re still there.
I hope my day is so busy that I don’t dwell on the anniversary. I hope that the bitterness goes away completely one day – some of it is gone, but some still remains. I hope that I can handle unfinished business over there. But in the meantime, for the way my expatriate life ended over there, that place can go straight to hell.
I’m feeling: contemplative.
I’m listening to: one of my co-workers blasting music in Spanish. It’s the end of the work week and big bosses took the day off, so why not.
I’m thinking: I’ve come a long way, but still have a very long way to go. I shouldn’t let life get in the way of blogging weekly or so. I need a real vacation.
I’m reading: The Social Work Interview. Only a few pages in, but at least that’s a start?
I’m looking forward to: getting my hair done; it has been over 3 months. Having next Friday off for seeing my stepmother & sister next weekend. Getting away for that weekend. The time when I’ll be able to really travel again. The time when I’ll finally be back on my feet, independent again.
I’m learning that: I’ve come a long way, but still have a very long way to go and more self-work to do. Sometimes, just listening is all a person needs to begin healing. (Luckily as an introvert, listening is one thing I do alright.) I don’t have to allow someone else’s negativity to affect me. I’m seeing how some people give without expecting anything back in return. I may have to do even more than I’m already doing to lose weight (and trust me, I’m tracking & doing everything possible). Expecting less = less disappointment.
I’m enjoying: my aunt’s NutriBullet juices & smoothies. The experimentation has been quite tasty.
I’m grateful for: being employed in spite of the job being imperfect. The ability to buy a bus ticket to see my stepmother & sister. Paying off 3 debts so far this year. Doing the tarot reading that my friend kept insisting I should try; it was a new experience and gave me lots of food for thought. My aunt & uncle. My stepfather. Learning something new every day. Dodging literal bullets. Joining the gym. Finding a Groupon deal for the local kickboxing gym; it helps me mix up my exercise/workout while saving a few bucks. Finally making & completing one of my doctor’s appointments. Living in a peaceful home with aunt & uncle from the very start – they say it’s my energy/spirit/aura, but surely it isn’t just me contributing. Chatting with my friend’s daughter in England on Whatsapp – she’s getting married next year, very happy for her and will definitely attend. Getting a call from another expatriate who’s still in England but hopefully returning here soon – it was so good to hear from them.
Around the house are: fans and an air conditioner.
In the kitchen: fruits that aunt bought to experiment with juices & smoothies.
In the coming week, I plan to: follow-up with one more doctor’s appointment. Cook once or twice. Work out (as usual). Get a lock for the gym locker. Weigh myself (for better or worse, it hasn’t been done in over a month and it needs doing). Work late to have Friday off to see my stepmother & sister. Speak with someone who can verify my hours for my next professional license paperwork & test. Think even more about my tarot reading – so much food for thought.
My quote/verse for the upcoming week is: Growing Pains
I’m feeling: neither here nor there.
I’m listening to: blowing fans keeping us cool. The TV – FIFA World Cup Costa Rica vs. Greece with my uncle. (Haven’t followed the World Cup aside from this, to be honest. Basketball is more my game.)
I’m thinking: I’m so glad that this is a short work week. I want to re-start studying Portuguese again. I need to brush up on my Spanish; I took it for too many years (even minored in it in college) to just let it die. I need to update my résumé, fill out some paperwork for the next highest professional license, and apply for another credential. I wonder if I should take up my friend’s offer of getting a psychic reading? Never did one before…
I’m reading: nothing now, but that should change this coming week, as my now-former supervisor gave me 2 more reading books for my profession. I should be able to get myself a Kindle in July.
I’m looking forward to: having a short work week. Going to the gym; it really impressed me and I look forward to going regularly. Paying off 1 debt. Having something to do for the weekend (hopefully).
I’m learning that: I must stop always feeling the need to explain myself. Losing weight won’t mean much if my self-confidence is negative. Nothing will get done unless I do it – someone on my social media news feed said “Never ask for help. The ones who tell you don’t be afraid to ask are the same ones who claim they can’t help.” and sadly, I must agree. It isn’t even from a place of frustration anymore; it’s just a resigned acceptance and the story of most of my life.
I’m enjoying: these pita chips, which are healthier than buying & eating a bunch of cookies.
I’m grateful for: taking a free Krav Maga class last week, although it made me quite nostalgic about taking it while overseas. (I can admit that sometimes, I miss that place in spite of what they did to me. Blog post about that coming soon.) Joining the gym. My stepfather. My aunt & uncle. The ability to choose to stay away from (potential & definite) toxic situations with toxic people. My work team (minus upper management). Speaking to my friend’s daughter in England earlier today – I miss their family so much.
Around the house are: lazy folks enjoying a lazy weekend.
In the kitchen: new groceries.
I’m planning this week to: follow-up with the doctor’s office – doing the job of 3 people at work makes me quite forgetful, and it is time for me to just write a note so that I don’t keep forgetting because my health is more important that any job. Cook once or twice. Go to the gym. Get extra workout clothing and a lock for the gym locker. Do something for the long weekend. Look for a ticket to see my stepmother & sister since I couldn’t see them this weekend after all (long story).
My quote/verse for the upcoming week is: none that I can think of for this week. However, I suggest DailyOM for wise words when you want.
I’m feeling: a little relaxed, physically. Otherwise, so-so.
I’m listening to: (or more like watching) Investigation Discovery channel.
I’m thinking: hopefully this week will be better than last week. Last week was rough & disappointing, in my professional life and my personal life.
I’m reading: on the internet to try catching up with current events.
I’m learning that: friendship is fleeting. It’s not always me, it’s you/them. No matter what one says or does (or doesn’t say or doesn’t do), one can’t satisfy everyone. I can’t take on others’ personal issues. I must look out for myself because
no job no friend no relative no one else will.
I’m enjoying: not much this past week, unfortunately.
I’m creating/planning: my next steps professionally and personally. A trip somewhere – don’t know where, but the travel bug is back again and it must be addressed with an overseas trip (hopefully within the next 12 months). The expatriate bug has been biting on & off too, so who knows what’s next…
I’m grateful for: spending time with my friend’s family on Friday evening – they’re the American version of the Mauritian family in England. Someone online who not only offered me an ear, but followed through and lent it to me – too many make promises and don’t keep ’em, do things only if it benefits them and if it’s reciprocated even more than what they gave.
Around the house are: my boxing gloves for kickboxing class.
In the kitchen: a Carvel ice cream cake for my uncle for Father’s Day and a quickly-planned lunch for my uncle (nothing fancy, but hopefully he’ll like it).
I’m planning this week to: schedule other appointments with referred doctors. Cook once or twice. Take kickboxing class again. Join Planet Fitness. Figure out my next professional steps. Figure out how to get to my stepmother’s graduation barbeque. Rethink all friendships. Rethink myself. Try staying focused on rebuilding my life because unfortunately, what that borough did to me still reverberates throughout my life to this day.
My quote/verse for the upcoming week is:
“Even when we’re quiet and don’t know what to say, we can be heard. Even when we are wordless, we can be understood.”