Who forces time is pushed back by time; who yields to time finds time on his side. –The Talmud
(NOTE: this is a long one, with a bit of cursing, disclosure, no punches pulled, and vulnerability. Don’t like any of that? Don’t bother reading any further.)
— Spinster (@SpinstersC) January 26, 2015
Picture it: October 2013.
Aside from a few pieces of luggage filled to the brim with whatever I could carry, I returned home with almost nothing. The life I was trying to build in the United Kingdom was snatched from me.
I’d been placed on unpaid leave on August 9, 2013 – in contemplation of dismissal – by a shady employer that misinformed me about my work visa, among other things. Because of the employer, I accidentally overstayed my work visa by about 2 months by the time I received notification from the Home Office on August 8, 2013. I then had to report to the local immigration office like a criminal – once per week initially, then once every 2 weeks. I was evicted from my beautiful apartment in October by what turned out to be a shady landlord (I’ll never forget, Gary Sheppard of southeast London). I’d been his tenant for over 3 years and even offered him my security deposit, but money over everything, right? For 3 weeks before leaving the United Kingdom, I stayed with someone who insisted that I stay with her after my eviction. (I won’t mention her name here, but can’t thank her enough.)
I asked the male DNA contributor to please help me get a ticket home; there was no real response. Things were so bad that an American colleague took the male DNA contributor’s number from my phone to call and explain how bad things were. (Even though I knew it was a waste of time, she insisted.) Male DNA contributor begrudgingly bought a ticket, didn’t accept my thank yous, and treated me like shit. After almost 3 months of no contact (didn’t even check to make sure of my safe arrival to the U.S.), the male DNA contributor e-mailed me – not to say “hello” or “how are you?”, but to tell me that “you owe me (insert U.S. dollar amount here)”. No exaggeration – that’s what the e-mail said. When I responded that I was living from couch to couch, the male DNA contributor stated that I was exaggerating and need to look for work to pay back the money, along with some other really fucked up things that I can’t remember off the top of my head. Male DNA contributor would’ve known that I was looking all day every day, including weekends, at employment opportunities, had there been any effort to check on me. Don’t worry… I washed my hands for good.
The female DNA contributor isn’t much better. (Boy… if there’s a higher power, he or she sure knows how to pick the people whom they want to create new human beings. :-| ) Complete narcissistic waste of time & energy. Don’t worry… I washed my hands for good a while ago. At least I don’t discriminate, right?
Another person from England, whom I’d known for 10 years, insisted that I pay her back $50.00 I owed her in spite of full knowledge of my situation. Yes… $50.00. I was so stunned that she had the nerve to ask me for money she knew I didn’t have, that I just responded with “not a problem”. I gave her the bit of money (and boy, was it just a bit) I got from the former employer about 5 weeks later and after that… *crickets* – no “hello” or “how are you?” or even “f*** you” after that. I waited 1 year for her to say something to me on any form of social media or technology… still *crickets*. I was there for her during some really difficult times (including an abusive relationship), before and after my move to England, and she threw everything away for 50 U.S. dollars. Don’t worry… I washed my hands for good.
At one point, I don’t think that even my aunt & uncle – who are like real parents to me – realized the gravity of my situation. And I’ll admit, I was angry at & frustrated with them for a bit before my return home. But once they realized how bad things were, that was it. I began staying with them before Xmas 2013.
I forgot to mention that since I accidentally overstayed my visa because of the former employer, along with reporting to the local immigration office, I was banned from returning to the United Kingdom for 1 year. Once I gave up all chances of returning after being shafted by recruitment agencies, I gave up trying to get back to the country and sat out my 1 year ban.
And so many other painful stories of betrayal and outright dismissal, from so-called colleagues, friends & relatives, that I could recount since I hit my rock bottom. (I’m not sure if those people deserve my energy, though.)
But then there are people such as:
- my (ex-)stepfather who, in spite of us not speaking for 1 year because of an issue, picked me up at the airport upon my arrival home even though he lives in another state and carried my luggage – no questions asked – and gave me money for public transportation to get to interviews without me asking.
- Joana, who insisted that I stay with her upon my return home, free of charge and refused any of my offers to help otherwise. I didn’t stay long due to other reasons, but for that and her I’m eternally grateful.
- my aunt & uncle, who’ve housed me, which has helped me rebuild my life slowly but surely. Among countless other things, aunt bought me a coat and interview clothing also.
- Dashima, who supported my fundraiser and sent me flowers when I finally got a job after almost 8 months of no luck.
- Juma, who gave me his old coat until I got a new one, and provided other support.
- those who gave me emotional and/or financial and/or other support and didn’t have to – Ellen & her husband storing my stuff in England, Sherri helping me pack, Sherri (again) & her husband cooking for me, Nadine helping me pack, Dacia, Gary, Johanna, Uzma, Twana, Sharon S., Natalie & Emmon, Ruth, Atiba, my 2 main Facebook group members, and so many others I wouldn’t expect.
- the many people who sent me job postings.
- the people who don’t know me in real life or online but believed me and believed in me more than enough to help, no questions asked.
I know I’ve forgotten some names, but I hope those people know my heart.
I think things are beginning to look up.
- I’ve worked since March 2014, after almost 8 months of unemployment with no benefits of any kind.
- I’ve paid down some debt.
- I joined a gym to return to healthier living.
- I’m studying for my next highest credential (or qualification, for those of you overseas).
- My aunt, uncle and I get along very well overall, which is definitely a challenge for an introvert like me.
- I have travels coming up within the next 2 months; my travel bug is finally back. (I’ll leave the travels as a surprise for now.)
- And last, but certainly not least, I’ve been able to help others with no strings attached. It warms my heart to help those who can never pay it back (nor do they have to try). I’m just grateful to be able to do it. (I’m very selective, however.)
I sit here, typing this with tears in my eyes. (A few of ’em even fell.) Some feel like sad tears, but more feel like grateful tears. For those who left me when I needed it most, farewell. For the rest of you, I’m eternally grateful. I thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart.
Little by little, step by step, day by day.
January 26, 2015 | Categories: blogging, expatriate, family, hassle, moving, repatriate, work/career | Tags: abandonment, abroad, alone, America, anger, anxiety, appreciation, assistance, beauty, bittersweet, bravery, bureaucracy, care, career, challenge, challenges, changes, chaos, circumstances, comfort, confidence, cons, courage, cries, criminal, daily prompt, difficult, disruption, distance, DPchallenge, dream, ethical, ethics, everyday life, expatriate, expectations, experience, experiences, explanations, family, flying, foolishness, forward, free, freedom, friendship, frustration, future, gratitude, Great Britain, growth, handling, help, helpless, history, home, injustice, insomnia, inspiration, introvert, job, law, laws, learning, legal, life, London, lonely, low, luggage, meaning, memory, moving, negatives, neglect, new, New York City, nostalgia, packing, path, people, personal-growth-habits-and-challenges, perspective, perspectives, plan, positives, postaweek, power, pros, purpose, rage, random, realisations, realities, reality, reasons, red tape, remember, repatriate, repatriation, review, sad, saddening, sadness, setbacks, shipping, solo, solution, storm, strength, systems, tears, thank you, thanks, transition, travel, trials, tribulations, troubles, truth, unexpected, unexpected circumstances, unexpected expenses, United Kingdom, United States, unpacking, updates, vacation, weekly writing challenge, why, work, WPlongform, writing, writing challenge | 10 Comments
— Spinster (@SpinstersC) May 14, 2013
I received an e-mail a month ago from Tina over at Pinterest, asking me if I wanted to be part of the new Pinterest United Kingdom campaign. It surprised me because I didn’t think that anyone paid much attention to my Pinterest boards, but it was a pleasant surprise. Since I like Pinterest, and since a little extra blog exposure is also nice, I said “yes” to participating.
I’m often late (on purpose) when it comes to any & all trends, so when I began seeing people talk about Pinterest on different social media websites, I didn’t jump on it straight away. (This is from someone who didn’t join Facebook until 2008 (I think) and ignored Twitter until very late 2009.) But then, I got lots of invitations to join and since my inbox got filled with invitations, I said to myself, “To hell with it. If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.” Lo and behold, I was pleasantly surprised.
Recipes. Do-it-yourself tips. Home decoration. Fashion. Beauty. Health & wellness. Quotes. Food. Food. Food. Did I say food? Travel. Travel. Travel. Did I say travel? Expatriate stuff. Child-free stuff. Whatever you’re looking for, it’s there in living color.
Pinterest is a tool for collecting and organizing the things you love. You can “pin” things from around the web on boards you create, on any topic you’d like. I pin about a few things, but for my blog’s sake, I especially pin things about travelling & expatriation. I have a board devoted to cities or countries I want to visit, interesting sights to see, and anything relating to expatriation.
What’s so great about pins is that I can go back to my boards and, say, find a recipe to try for dinner, or dream about a country or city on my travel/expatriate bucket list. The pins also link back to the source so I can get more details about that recipe I want to try, or that country or city I want to visit.
I’ve used Pinterest for a few months now, and it’s pretty decent. Once you see things you like, you’ll start building up your boards & dreams/wishes/fantasies. Follow me over there, and if you don’t have an account yet, start pinning by clicking on my registration link.
Welcome to Pinterest, inhabitants of the United Kingdom. :-)
May 14, 2013 | Categories: blogging, expatriate, photography, travel | Tags: benefits, blog, blogging, campaign, challenge, color, colorful, colors, colour, colourful, colours, cuisines, culture, daily, daily prompt, DPchallenge, dream, dreams, everyday, everyday life, expatriate, expatriates, explanation, explanations, fashion, food, foods, forward, genius, health, help, how-stuff-works, how-to, indulge, inspiration, learning, media, nomad, nostalgia, online, outdoors, perspectives, photo, photography, photos, picture, pictures, pioneer, positive, positives, postaday, postaweek, prompt, recruitment, sights, social, social media, solo, technology, travel, United Kingdom, vicarious, visitors, wander, wandering, wanderlust, weekly, weekly writing challenge, world, worldwide, writing, writing challenge | 7 Comments
— Spinster (@SpinstersC) April 2, 2013
Today is an old friend’s birthday. We’ve not spoken in a very long time. Our friendship never really ended; life happens – work, marriage, kids, military, etc. and our lives took different directions. Like everyone else
addicted to connected to the world-wide web, I got on Facebook and got an alert reminding me about my friend’s birthday. His settings are such that no one can write on his wall, but can send a private message instead, which I did.
I rarely view other people’s walls or pages, but I decided to
be nosy skim through his friends list. I don’t know 98% of the people on his list, but I recognised a couple of old, familiar faces. I didn’t click on their names, but it got me thinking about where I was then, and where I am now.
I wonder about those people not because I’m nosy (well, I’m usually not nosy), but I wonder how they’re doing and if they’re still in the same place, physically and otherwise. I look back and I’ve changed a lot since then. Back then, I was deep into church yet filled with anger & negativity. Those people, looking back, were ultra-religious and ultra-conservative. Now granted, I had some good times with those people – hell, one of them wound up being my longest relationship ever – but that part of my life, and those people, can stay back there. If I remained where I was, physically and otherwise, I wouldn’t be where I am today.
I’ve done so much since then. I’ve been through so much since then. I live in another country, a life-long dream fulfilled. I’m now agnostic, and aside from my friend, his wife, his sister and another friend, I don’t speak to any of the people from that time in my life. I’ve seen different places, done different things, met different people, made many mistakes, learnt many things. And while I don’t miss that part of my life, I appreciate that era for keeping me focused, out of trouble, and on the straight & narrow. I take those things and carry them with me… not to stay stuck, but to sustain me as I move onward & forward.
Here’s to looking back on life. Here’s to
dropping dead weight distant memories of those who are in your lives for a reason and a season, no matter how short the season. Here’s to being insane crazy scared brave enough to move to another country. Without looking back every once in a while, one can’t move forward to new experiences, people or places. And I’m glad that those things landed me where I am today – in the United Kingdom and in a whole new world.
How have your experiences in the past led you to where you are today as an expatriate? Did you ever think that you’d be living in another country?
April 2, 2013 | Categories: blogging, expatriate, moving, travel, work/career | Tags: achieve, appreciation, bittersweet, blog, blogging, bravery, challenge, challenges, change, changes, childfree, circumstances, confidence, contrast, courage, crying, daily prompt, difficult, distance, DPchallenge, dream, dreams, education, everyday, expatriate, expatriates, experience, experiences, forward, free, freedom, friend, friendship, growth, happy, history, home, hope, inspiration, introvert, intuition, learning, life, love, meaning, memory, moving, nostalgia, path, personal-growth-habits-and-challenges, perspective, perspectives, plans, postaday, postaweek, power, private, purpose, random, realisations, realities, reality, reason, reasons, relationships, religion, review, setbacks, solitude, solo, strength, tears, thanks, transitions, travel, trials, tribulations, trouble, troubles, United Kingdom, United States, vicarious, wanderlust, weekly, weekly writing challenge, why, world, writing, writing challenge | Leave a comment
— Spinster (@SpinstersC) November 13, 2012
(Thanks to today’s Daily Prompt, I decided that this new blog post title is just as good as my original blog post title.)
There has been a lot going on over the past few weeks. These are things that, overall, are out of my control. Change is rarely easy, let’s be honest. It can come suddenly, or, as would be the best scenario, one can get advance notice and prepare as much as possible under the circumstances.
In my case, the transitions I’m going through came with very little (if any) notice. As a result, these transitions take up a lot of my time and, therefore, I’ll be taking a bit of a blog break for a couple of months. When I say “break”, I don’t mean that you won’t see any posts. All it means is that I’ll be posting less than once weekly for now, as I still have many blog drafts to complete & publish (i.e. my last Portugal series post, Italy series posts on the other blog, other expat-related posts, etc.) and don’t wanna keep you (or me) waiting any longer to complete & publish them.
Please bear with me as I take myself through these transitions. I promise you – I’ll see you on the other side.
November 13, 2012 | Categories: blogging, expatriate, hassle | Tags: beauty, bittersweet, challenges, change, changes, cons, daily, daily prompt, dilemma, DPchallenge, expectations, frustration, inspiration, introvert, low, personal-growth-habits-and-challenges, positives, postaweek, prompt, pros, realisations, reality, resolutions, setbacks, solo, strength, transition, transitions, unexpected, unexpected circumstances, United Kingdom, weekly writing challenge, writing challenge | 4 Comments