Moved from the United States to the United Kingdom… and back to the United States. Currently in long-term limbo. My good, bad & ugly experiences as a former expatriate and (possibly) permanent repatriate (who'll continue traveling no matter what).

Posts tagged “annoyances

Wall Street Journal article: Repatriation blues.

As a repatriate, some of the points in this article hit home, especially since my return was (mostly) involuntary. Take a look at the article below and feel free to comment. Hopefully, other repatriates will comment too.

Repatriation Blues: Expats Struggle With The Dark Side Of Coming Home

http://blogs.wsj.com/expat/2015/04/15/repatriation-blues-expats-struggle-with-the-dark-side-of-coming-home/


United Arab Emirates – Dubai in 36 hours or less.

Dubai was never on my list of places to travel, but since I’d be there, I wasn’t going to pass it up while visiting the United Arab Emirates. While booking & planning, I initially planned to spend 2 days there – hopefully enough to get a feel for the city. I changed my mind and decided that less than 2 days should suffice, and I’m glad I made that decision. I’ll explain why later.

We left Abu Dhabi on Saturday afternoon for a short jaunt to Dubai for a little over 24 hours. Dubai is 90 minutes drive from Abu Dhabi without traffic, and easy to reach by bus or car (rental, taxi, etc.). We took a cheap Greyhound-style bus for 25 AED one-way.

Emirates Express.

Emirates Express.

It took us longer than 90 minutes because there was a dust storm that caused multiple accidents; we saw at least 30 damaged or destroyed cars on the roadside. :-|

Upon arriving to Dubai, we took a taxi to Citymax Bur Dubai. There wasn’t much time to spare before we had to leave to head to Burj Khalifa – the tallest building in the world for our evening viewing.

We planned to meet afterwards with a travel group member, but Dubai Mall (located next to Burj Khalifa and the largest mall [by total area] in the world) is so big that we couldn’t find him, and my phone died. We (minus step-dad) were also supposed to see other people from the same travel group for a party. But by then, I’m exhausted & sleepy from jet-lag and walking around; we’re annoyed about not finding the person in that humongous mall; and we were hungry. So we returned to the hotel instead. I messaged the travel group members to explain what happened, we ate at one of the hotel’s restaurants (Indian Claypot), and stayed in until check-out time Sunday afternoon.

Another person from my travel group met us at check-out. He knew where the Gold Souk was, so he led us there.

NOTE: The United Arab Emirates heavily regulate their precious metals, so unless one buys jewelry on the street (NOT recommended), one is assured that the gold (or other precious metal[s]) is of top quality.

While me and my friend walked around, step-dad and Travel Friend sat down. Step-dad didn’t tell us right away that he wasn’t feeling well (typical man), so I got annoyed when I found out. Luckily, Travel Friend had a hotel room nearby and step-dad rested there while the 3 of us went to eat. (To make a long story short – step-dad loves spicy food but this time, the food at Indian Claypot was extra spicy and tore up his stomach the next day. I bought him a couple of medications, but bread, crackers & ginger ale did the trick and he was better by the next evening.)

Shameless plug – if you travel, especially abroad, make sure that you buy travel insurance. Annual travel insurance is cheaper than per-trip insurance. Along with step-dad getting sick (thank goodness it wasn’t worse), 2 members of my travel group died in Panama a little over 2 months ago. Their deaths gave me the needed push to buy travel insurance from now on.

After we ate, we hung out a bit while step-dad rested. We left Travel Friend’s hotel a little after sunset to return to Abu Dhabi; we’d see him the next day. We got a taxi to the bus station, where we caught a bus back to Abu Dhabi and stayed with another travel group member for the rest of our stay.

______________________

Dubai is a lively city and reminds me of Manhattantimes 10. :-| For me – a born & raised New Yorker – to say that, means something. I can also speak for my friend and step-dad (also born & raised New Yorkers) when I say that while we think Dubai is a beautiful city, it was quite overwhelming (especially as an introvert) to be around so many people, lights, and tall/large buildings & structures. So as I said in the beginning, I’m glad that we stayed for only a little over 24 hours.

Stay tuned – desert safari next


Let it snow.

Let it snow. (my photo, added to Instagram)

Let it snow. (my photo, added to Instagram)

It snowed a little less than a week ago, but aside from that, it hasn’t been a white Xmas/winter so far. It’s quite cold here otherwise.

How are the weather & temperature in your part of the world?


The end. (Or the beginning?)

Exactly 1 year ago today, I left the United Kingdom after living there for over 3 years. It’s hard to even type that.

One of my dreams as a kid was to live abroad, whether for a long time or for good. That dream came true when I was given the opportunity to work in the United Kingdom. That dream came to an end, and not in the way in which I wanted. I even planned to return, but to no avail.

Were it up to me, I’d still be there. I wanted to get extra professional experience, dual citizenship, extra chances to travel, and a new life. I wanted things to end on my terms; I wanted to leave when I was ready. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. I lost almost everything; my dream went down the drain. I came back to the United States with only a few suitcases holding a bit of clothing, a few books, and a few treasured items. Meanwhile, those that fucked up my dream continue on as if nothing happened.

I was ashamed because even though it wasn’t my fault, I came home with nothing to show for my time there (or that’s how it seems). I came home to couchsurfing, no job in sight, and very little support – family included. I lost a lot (and gained nothing but pounds). Family turned on me. Friends – scarce. And retelling my story over again – not an option. I have to live it and that’s painful enough, so why the hell would I want to repeat it?

1 year ago today marked the end of an era, the end of my dream as I had it planned and hoped it’d turn out. It’s still a bit painful, still bittersweet. I miss traveling. I miss my Meetup groups and the experiences that came along with them. I missed living abroad. I experience nostalgia sometimes, and I miss the few dear friends I made, so much. I miss what could’ve and should’ve been.

But maybe… just maybe… the end was the beginning of a new part of my life journey. Only time will tell. And as far as that country, I’m not yet done with it. I still have unfinished business there to handle, and most importantly, I still have a few dear friends there.

I needed to get this out. Thanks for reading/listening. And please stay tuned; I still have a long road ahead.

IMG_1003


Gratitude? (Not much for August.)

Today 08.26.2014:

I’m feeling: exhausted. Drained. Tired. Sleepy.

I’m listening to: mostly silence.

I’m thinking about/wondering why: traveling. Going on a real vacation. Sleeping. Anything other than paperwork. This month being over.

I’m reading: not much now, but already looking at Kindle prices & models to decide which one to get.  That’ll hopefully happen by the end of the month.

I’m looking forward to: reading again once I get my Kindle. Having this Friday & Monday off. August being over.

I’m learning to/practicing to/working on/embracing: properly delivering bad news from a SW perspective. Paperwork for credentials. Myself, always.

I’m enjoying: The First 48.

I’m creating: …

I’m grateful for: second chances at life. The lives of those who are no longer with us. Employment. Observation. Discernment. Social support.

Around the house are: uniquely flavored Oreo cookies to mail to a friend of mine in the U.S. Virgin Islands.

In the kitchen: tilapia & rice noodles. The tilapia recipe is from SparkPeople.

I’m planning this week to: take time for & to myself. Distract myself over the long holiday weekend. Continue exercising (even though it doesn’t seem like anything is changing). Possibly meet up with an old friend who I haven’t seen since my time overseas.

 

I don’t have any quotes this week. I’m not inspired enough because this hasn’t been a good month.  Since 07.30.2014, I’ve had a family member die, another family member have 2 major medical emergencies, another family member attempt suicide, and a client death last week (likely by suicide).  Add to that Robin Williams’ suicide, Eric Garner (my hometown, by the way), Michael Brown and the disgusting yet unsurprising racism & racists (which I refuse to read; why give myself a stroke?), and countless other issues going on worldwide, and you can stick a fork in me because I’m done.

So instead, I’m dedicating this to the memory of my family member instead. Rest in peace, Aunt Jean 1926 – 2014.

Here’s to hoping that September – hell, the rest of the year – is better than this.  Take it easy & take care.


Life-changing day.

Exactly 1 year ago today, I received a letter in the mail that’d change my life for a long time, if not for good.

It was a Thursday evening, and I came home from a long day at work, with my team on duty for 3 days straight. I was glad to be home. It’d been my home for a little over 3 years, and I thought I’d be there for a long time to come.

There was mail in front of my door. I picked it up and saw that one piece was from the Home Office. I thought to myself

Oh, good. The Home Office will renew my visa. I’ll get to stay here a bit longer, save money, travel a bit, and even look into dual citizenship.

I put away my belongings, settled in to read my mail and maybe watch a little television – likely something I DVRed, no doubt. I opened the Home Office mail and read it. Then my heart sank deep into my stomach. The Home Office denied my visa application. I was a overstayer.

I re-read the letter a few times to make sure that it wasn’t a joke. But nothing in the letter changed. I was an accidental overstayer. I was speechless for a bit, and even fought back tears. (I can’t remember who won – me or the tears.) I called my aunt and let her know, and I told her I’d keep her posted.

Little did I know that this was the beginning of the end – the end of my expatriate life, the end of my independence, and the end of my life as I lived it for ___ years. And to this day, I’m still feeling the effects – they aren’t as strong as 1 year ago or even a few months ago, but they’re still there.

I hope my day is so busy that I don’t dwell on the anniversary. I hope that the bitterness goes away completely one day – some of it is gone, but some still remains. I hope that I can handle unfinished business over there. But in the meantime, for the way my expatriate life ended over there, that place can go straight to hell.


Late gratitude.

Today 07.25.2014:

I’m feeling: contemplative.

I’m listening to: one of my co-workers blasting music in Spanish.  It’s the end of the work week and big bosses took the day off, so why not.

I’m thinking: I’ve come a long way, but still have a very long way to go.  I shouldn’t let life get in the way of blogging weekly or so.  I need a real vacation.

I’m reading: The Social Work Interview. Only a few pages in, but at least that’s a start?

I’m looking forward to: getting my hair done; it has been over 3 months.  Having next Friday off for seeing my stepmother & sister next weekend.  Getting away for that weekend.  The time when I’ll be able to really travel again.  The time when I’ll finally be back on my feet, independent again.

I’m learning that: I’ve come a long way, but still have a very long way to go and more self-work to do.  Sometimes, just listening is all a person needs to begin healing.  (Luckily as an introvert, listening is one thing I do alright.)  I don’t have to allow someone else’s negativity to affect me.  I’m seeing how some people give without expecting anything back in return.  I may have to do even more than I’m already doing to lose weight (and trust me, I’m tracking & doing everything possible).  Expecting less = less disappointment.

I’m enjoying: my aunt’s NutriBullet juices & smoothies.  The experimentation has been quite tasty.

I’m grateful for: being employed in spite of the job being imperfect.  The ability to buy a bus ticket to see my stepmother & sister.  Paying off 3 debts so far this year.  Doing the tarot reading that my friend kept insisting I should try; it was a new experience and gave me lots of food for thought.  My aunt & uncle.  My stepfather.  Learning something new every day. Dodging literal bullets.  Joining the gym.  Finding a Groupon deal for the local kickboxing gym; it helps me mix up my exercise/workout while saving a few bucks.  Finally making & completing one of my doctor’s appointments.  Living in a peaceful home with aunt & uncle from the very start – they say it’s my energy/spirit/aura, but surely it isn’t just me contributing.  Chatting with my friend’s daughter in England on Whatsapp – she’s getting married next year, very happy for her and will definitely attend.  Getting a call from another expatriate who’s still in England but hopefully returning here soon – it was so good to hear from them.

Around the house are: fans and an air conditioner.

In the kitchen: fruits that aunt bought to experiment with juices & smoothies.

In the coming week, I plan to: follow-up with one more doctor’s appointment. Cook once or twice. Work out (as usual). Get a lock for the gym locker. Weigh myself (for better or worse, it hasn’t been done in over a month and it needs doing).  Work late to have Friday off to see my stepmother & sister. Speak with someone who can verify my hours for my next professional license paperwork & test.  Think even more about my tarot reading – so much food for thought.

My quote/verse for the upcoming week is: Growing Pains


Weekly update 06.29.2014.

Today:

I’m feeling: neither here nor there.

I’m listening to: blowing fans keeping us cool. The TV – FIFA World Cup Costa Rica vs. Greece with my uncle. (Haven’t followed the World Cup aside from this, to be honest. Basketball is more my game.)

I’m thinking: I’m so glad that this is a short work week. I want to re-start studying Portuguese again. I need to brush up on my Spanish; I took it for too many years (even minored in it in college) to just let it die. I need to update my résumé, fill out some paperwork for the next highest professional license, and apply for another credential. I wonder if I should take up my friend’s offer of getting a psychic reading? Never did one before…

I’m reading: nothing now, but that should change this coming week, as my now-former supervisor gave me 2 more reading books for my profession. I should be able to get myself a Kindle in July.

I’m looking forward to: having a short work week. Going to the gym; it really impressed me and I look forward to going regularly. Paying off 1 debt. Having something to do for the weekend (hopefully).

I’m learning that: I must stop always feeling the need to explain myself. Losing weight won’t mean much if my self-confidence is negative. Nothing will get done unless I do it – someone on my social media news feed said “Never ask for help. The ones who tell you don’t be afraid to ask are the same ones who claim they can’t help.” and sadly, I must agree. It isn’t even from a place of frustration anymore; it’s just a resigned acceptance and the story of most of my life.

I’m enjoying: these pita chips, which are healthier than buying & eating a bunch of cookies.

I’m grateful for: taking a free Krav Maga class last week, although it made me quite nostalgic about taking it while overseas. (I can admit that sometimes, I miss that place in spite of what they did to me. Blog post about that coming soon.) Joining the gym. My stepfather. My aunt & uncle. The ability to choose to stay away from (potential & definite) toxic situations with toxic people. My work team (minus upper management). Speaking to my friend’s daughter in England earlier today – I miss their family so much.

Around the house are: lazy folks enjoying a lazy weekend.

In the kitchen: new groceries.

I’m planning this week to: follow-up with the doctor’s office – doing the job of 3 people at work makes me quite forgetful, and it is time for me to just write a note so that I don’t keep forgetting because my health is more important that any job. Cook once or twice. Go to the gym. Get extra workout clothing and a lock for the gym locker. Do something for the long weekend. Look for a ticket to see my stepmother & sister since I couldn’t see them this weekend after all (long story).

My quote/verse for the upcoming week is: none that I can think of for this week. However, I suggest DailyOM for wise words when you want.


Week in review 06.15.2014.

Today:

I’m feeling: a little relaxed, physically. Otherwise, so-so.

I’m listening to: (or more like watching) Investigation Discovery channel.

I’m thinking: hopefully this week will be better than last week. Last week was rough & disappointing, in my professional life and my personal life.

The weather wasn't much better.

The weather wasn’t much better.

I’m reading: on the internet to try catching up with current events.

I’m looking forward to: joining Planet Fitness later this week. Taking another kickboxing class (planning to do this once per week or once biweekly). My sister’s birthday. My uncle’s birthday.

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I’m learning that: friendship is fleeting. It’s not always me, it’s you/them. No matter what one says or does (or doesn’t say or doesn’t do), one can’t satisfy everyone. I can’t take on others’ personal issues. I must look out for myself because no job no friend no relative no one else will.

I’m enjoying: not much this past week, unfortunately.

I’m creating/planning: my next steps professionally and personally. A trip somewhere – don’t know where, but the travel bug is back again and it must be addressed with an overseas trip (hopefully within the next 12 months). The expatriate bug has been biting on & off too, so who knows what’s next…

I’m grateful for: spending time with my friend’s family on Friday evening – they’re the American version of the Mauritian family in England. Someone online who not only offered me an ear, but followed through and lent it to me – too many make promises and don’t keep ’em, do things only if it benefits them and if it’s reciprocated even more than what they gave.

Around the house are: my boxing gloves for kickboxing class.

In the kitchen: a Carvel ice cream cake for my uncle for Father’s Day and a quickly-planned lunch for my uncle (nothing fancy, but hopefully he’ll like it).

I’m planning this week to: schedule other appointments with referred doctors. Cook once or twice. Take kickboxing class again. Join Planet Fitness. Figure out my next professional steps. Figure out how to get to my stepmother’s graduation barbeque. Rethink all friendships. Rethink myself. Try staying focused on rebuilding my life because unfortunately, what that borough did to me still reverberates throughout my life to this day.

My quote/verse for the upcoming week is:

“Even when we’re quiet and don’t know what to say, we can be heard. Even when we are wordless, we can be understood.”

(Introvert Spring)


Thin line between love & hate (Part 1).

I’ve meant to do this series for a while, but I’m glad that I waited until now. I’m not fully “there” yet, but I now feel comfortable enough to write.

As I’ve said countless times, living as an expatriate is a mix of the good, bad & ugly. I’ve been back in the U.S. for over 5 months now, and I’ve had many moments of clarity. A few of those moments entailed mental lists of things I love & hate about the United Kingdom from my experiences living there. Since the country (and its people) basically did a number on my life as I knew it, and it’ll take me a long time to recover, I’ll start with the things I hate about the country. As with any of my lists, they aren’t exhaustive; this is due to concerns about my privacy, possible future developments, and my hate can only last but so long. :-|

Please note: if you’re from there and easily offended, don’t bother reading further than this. The following points will be raw & bitter. These points are my truth, as well as the truth of a few others who’ve had a similar experience to mine. I’ll say what I have to say, and that’s it; if you don’t like it, walk away now. I don’t battle trolls or keyboard gangsters.

1. Dark parts of its history – currently, Britain has invaded all but 22 countries on this planet. All but 22. If you don’t understand how much that is, I’ll make it simple for you: that’s almost 90% of the planet… that means if there were only 10 countries on this planet, Britain would’ve invaded 9 of ’em. That means Britain gave zero fucks about anyone or anything but itself & its interests. And because of my experience, I learned that Britain is still very much a shady, conniving, low-down country not only on a macro level, but also on a micro level toward people. Its populace inherited the country’s conquering & brutalizing spirit, as shown by the way that they treat people who don’t fit their agendas, whether the affected people know it or not.

2. Sweeping things under the rug – Britain (and some of the United Kingdom’s inhabitants) likes fancying itself as a diverse utopia. While the United States and the United Kingdom have somewhat different stories in terms of slavery & immigration, one thing that’s similar about both countries is their love of sweeping things under the rug – making believe that things did or didn’t happen or, when admitting fault, downplaying it as much as possible. It’s as if they say

There, there now. Fair enough, we conquered & destroyed & disemboweled & killed & pillaged & raped millions of people… but that’s all in the past! No need to bring it up again. Come on, let’s have a cup of tea (United Kingdom)/grab a beer (United States) and forget all about it.

Until Britain (and any other major conquering country) fully acknowledges its part in fucking up most of the planet in some way or another, it’ll not only continue affecting other countries in a negative way, it’ll also continue shattering the lives of people who live there. I mention the lives of people living there because the same characteristics that Britain used/uses to destroy countries got passed down to its populace and they, in turn, affect each life and later make believe that nothing ever happened. Whether they like it or not, some of us may forgive but never forget.

3. Rude people – I’m sure I’ve written about this before (here & here & here). The people are some of the rudest I’ve ever met in my lifetime. Do you have a question or need help with something? You’ll be lucky if anyone hears you and/or gives a straight answer. Are you used to saying “good morning/afternoon/evening” to people around you, no matter who they are? Don’t bother doing that because it’s as if courteous people are aliens from another planet. Do you need to sit down because of an injury, ailment, illness, pregnancy or being elderly? Don’t expect anyone, especially the men, to offer you a seat (or anything else to make things more comfortable for you). As a matter-of-fact, a female is more likely to help you than a male. I’ve traveled to 12 or 13 countries so far and, hands down, people in the United Kingdom are the rudest I’ve ever met.

4. Child welfare – I’ve worked in social services for many years, and I can say with confidence that while the United States can improve upon its services, the United States is more advanced than the United Kingdom in that regard. I prefer it here because one can work in various fields, learn different practice methods, and safeguard better. I also think that social work education is better in the United States. The United Kingdom has a long way to go to improved social services not just for child welfare, but all aspects of social services (including educating & training potential social workers).

5. Cost of living – If I remember correctly, London is more expensive than my city… and that’s saying a lot. And don’t get me started on the increase in wealthy people from all over the world buying properties in London for various reasons (if you’re smart, you’ll figure it out). It’s getting so bad that many native Londoners get forced out of their city, and I bet that’s by design (just like my city).

6. Narrow roads – I’ll admit that this one is silly, but come on. Why are the roads so narrow? Were they purposely designed to get people into accidents and road rage incidents? Even when America wasn’t filled with fat asses like me (and even when I wasn’t fat), damn near everything got built big. I’ll take the wide 3-7 lane streets & highways here over those narrow ass streets any day. The same goes for the sidewalks.

7. English breakfast – this is another silly one, but it’s one that many people over there take seriously. I’m sorry, but I can’t get with English breakfast. That link calls it “splendid”. I’m not fond of beans or fried tomato with eggs, but whatever… I can tolerate that if I had to. But anything containing mushrooms or black pudding… not one bit splendid. :-|

I think that’s it for now… I think. If you live in/lived in/visited the United Kingdom and there were things that bothered you, what were they? Is there anything I may have missed? I’m getting forgetful in my old age. :-|

My next post will list the things that I miss about the country. In the meantime, check out the video below and pay attention to the chorus. To be continued…