The end. (Or the beginning?)

Exactly 1 year ago today, I left the United Kingdom after living there for over 3 years. It’s hard to even type that.

One of my dreams as a kid was to live abroad, whether for a long time or for good. That dream came true when I was given the opportunity to work in the United Kingdom. That dream came to an end, and not in the way in which I wanted. I even planned to return, but to no avail.

Were it up to me, I’d still be there. I wanted to get extra professional experience, dual citizenship, extra chances to travel, and a new life. I wanted things to end on my terms; I wanted to leave when I was ready. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. I lost almost everything; my dream went down the drain. I came back to the United States with only a few suitcases holding a bit of clothing, a few books, and a few treasured items. Meanwhile, those that fucked up my dream continue on as if nothing happened.

I was ashamed because even though it wasn’t my fault, I came home with nothing to show for my time there (or that’s how it seems). I came home to couchsurfing, no job in sight, and very little support – family included. I lost a lot (and gained nothing but pounds). Family turned on me. Friends – scarce. And retelling my story over again – not an option. I have to live it and that’s painful enough, so why the hell would I want to repeat it?

1 year ago today marked the end of an era, the end of my dream as I had it planned and hoped it’d turn out. It’s still a bit painful, still bittersweet. I miss traveling. I miss my Meetup groups and the experiences that came along with them. I missed living abroad. I experience nostalgia sometimes, and I miss the few dear friends I made, so much. I miss what could’ve and should’ve been.

But maybe… just maybe… the end was the beginning of a new part of my life journey. Only time will tell. And as far as that country, I’m not yet done with it. I still have unfinished business there to handle, and most importantly, I still have a few dear friends there.

I needed to get this out. Thanks for reading/listening. And please stay tuned; I still have a long road ahead.

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5 comments

  1. philosophermouseofthehedge · October 24, 2014

    A re-sorting. Maybe this year of Super Moons and eclipses are affecting more than we know.
    All we can do is try and build an existence – sometimes it feels like we are mere ants unknowingly living in some giant’s field.
    Next chapter about to be written?

    Like

    • Spinster · October 24, 2014

      It’s within the realm of possibility. Stay tuned. (As always, thanks for stopping by.)

      Liked by 1 person

      • philosophermouseofthehedge · October 27, 2014

        It’s fall and near Halloween…always a time for reconnecting the pieces in a new order for me (Spring is not anywhere close – but I’m a fall birthday) Hooooowl on – it annoys them

        Like

        • Spinster · October 27, 2014

          I like that, especially the last sentence. 🙂

          Like

  2. Pingback: Gratitude 10.26.2014. | Spinster's Compass

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